two in one day!!

New Fave Song

New Fave thing to laugh at/impersonate.

long time no see

i heart customers.

i heart them because they make me laugh.

today  a small dog was tied up outside.  happens often. we dont allow dogs in the cafe (big surprise?  no we serve food.)

two middle aged women (obvs with lots of time since they were in the cafe at 1pm and NOT at work) came up to the counter concerned for the puppy who was shivering. (doubtful since i was just out there 10min prior and the lil dude seemed alright to me)

i explained there wasnt much to be done because the police dont handle animals left unattended unless it is really really cold or really really hot.

they decided to take it upon themselves and ask every person in the cafe if it is their dog outside and tell them to take care if it because the poor puppy is cold.

one of the customers actually said

"imagine if you or i were that poor dog....left alone in the cold"  she stares at me with a very concerned look waiting for me to share in her disgust and concern.  

sorry lady i just can't.  the dog seems fine to me.  sure it is only 55, but dude it's a dog it always has a coat on!

while the one customer is on a man hunt for the owner of the dog, they other customer lady asks me for a sweatshirt from the lost and found.  i walk away rolling my eyes, muttering jesus christ.

i grab her a yellow zip up fleece.

imagine a 15lb dog wearing a large men's yellow zip up fleece.  ri-dic-u-lous!

this story has a happy ending because the owners of the dog were found and kindly returned the lost yellow zip up fleece with no mention of the incident to me.  thank fucking god!

custies say the darndest things

at register talking to a co-worker when a customer walks up.

me: what's the key to a long life?

co-worker: swimming

me: ahhhh

custie: and drugs.

me: i dont know about that.

custie: yup 

me: why don't you go down to the north ave bridge and ask a local crack head if drugs are the key to a long life, b/c im pretty sure they won't be living that long.

custie: crack is low end, im talking about high end drugs.

me: oh.

co-worker laughs and asks the custie what he wants.

 

********

this didn't happen to me but it happened to someone else at my work.  our fly sit. is o/c right now.  what do people expect. there is food sitting out all day, doors are constantly being opened and closed and the cafe is right on the lake! 

but no people expect there to be absolutely no flies.  dude, flies are a part of life! get over it.  if we weren't a society obsessed with germs and cleanliness maybe a couple flies wouldn't warrant bitching out a coworker.

the funniest thing a custie has said about the flies was from a middle aged female (they always complain).  she said she came to our cafe on her vacation and she is now spending it swatting flies.  she claimed "flies are ruining my vacation"  and asked my co-worker if she'd want to eat here under these conditions.

sorry lady, but we not only have to eat here, but we have to work here.  so chill i don't feel sorry for you.  

im never moving to a third world country

a water pipe broke near my work yesterday.

the city turned the water off last night around 11pm.

went to work this am at 6 prepared for the worse.  it was as bad as i thought.

we had to have coffee brewed at other cafes and someone drove it down.  we also had to have water and ice brought to us.

no bathrooms.  no hand washing.  no water to drink. 

it is like working at a factory in a third world country.  a sticky, coffee ground covered factory.

customers were difficult.  employees were frustrated and stressed.  the store was a complete mess at all times with empty coffee cambros (giant dispensers of liquid items), stacks of dirty dishes, sticky/coffee messes every where.

even after explaining  to customers why they couldn't have a mug for here or why they couldnt use the bathroom, they'd still ask for something that need water.....like a cup of ice water.

stupidity was at an all time high today.

general rules thrown out the window.

level of friendliness/politeness/concern for customer's satisfaction at an all time low.

i left work at 3 and all the city workers had done was dig a hole where the pipe broke and then cover the hole back up.  

looks like my fellow employees will have to do this all over again tomorrow.  

customers are funny

a co-worker of mine and i look very similar.  similar hair cut/color/style, both have gauged ears, freckles.  i guess we could pass as sisters.

more than once customers at our work have confused the two of us.  and called one by the wrong name, or claimed to have seen us somewhere we wouldn't be.

today was a pretty good one.  im standing next to her as a male customer orders coffee.

customer: are you two sisters?

me: yes

co-worker: no

me: twins.

customer: identical or fraternal?

me: identical.

customer: thought so.

a lot of you know the girl im talking about.  and i guess we could pass as sisters, but twins and identical at that? no f'ing way.

what's wrong with america?

someone very close to me has a mildly serious medical condition.  this person needs regular check-ups to monitor the condition.

unfortunately this person also has un-stable insurance available.  meaning companies are often changed, income status is often fluctuating, and coverage is changing.

i don't believe in the medical community.  i try to avoid antibiotics at all costs. i treat my self the most natural way i can for colds, the flu, allergies, etc.  i dont trust most doctors and think a lot of time they are ordering tests/medications for their own benefit(monetary or covering their ass).

a good example was when i saw a doctor for this awful cough i had for a couple weeks.  i only went because it would wake me up several times during the night.  the doctor told me i either had allergies or a cold and prescribed me medications for both.  i got neither.

this person real close to me had a check-up 2 and a half months ago.  it was discovered that a procedure was needed for the prevention of cancer.  this is the second time this person has needed this procedure.  

but because of our awesome medical system here in america this person has had to cancel insurance for a month, switch doctors, and switch insurance.  a clinic failed to inform them of the needed medical forms, forcing the cancellation of an appointment.  the "new" doctor wants to re-do the check up for her own records.  even though they had it done recently and it shows they are at high risk for cancer unless the procedure is done soon.

in the end this person will have to wait three months to get the procedure because of all the paper work that needs to be completed over and over again for the doctor's sake.  

what about our sake?  what about our safety?  when did doctors stop caring about the health of their patients and start caring only about money?

that is why doctor's should be paid less. professions in the health field and law can draw the wrong people.  it can lure those who are hungry money into a career that needs people who are in it for the good of others, not themselves.

IF this person ends up having cancer I don't know what I will do.  But I will take serious action.

I know you're busy

on register at work.  line of at least 20 people.  sunday always means stupid customers.  here is an especially asshole encounter.

customer: i know you're busy, but how does that thing in your nose work?

me: *smiles and says nothing (are you fucking serious? how rude can you be?)

customer: it looks like a staple, does it go all the way through?

me: yea, it's a staple.(yea jackass, i put a staple through my nose)

customer: is it inside your nose?

me: yea, it's horseshoe shaped.can we just stop talking about it?

customer2: it must hurt to take it in and out?

me: nope. if it hurt, do you think i'd have it?

customer: where's my iced tea?

me: at the end of the counter.where i already told you it would be.  nice button up tucked into your jeans, fucker.

this is def one of those times i wish it was socially acceptable to tell people "go fuck yourself" when they were acting like an asshole.

customer stories

this weekend was busy at alterra.

here are a few choice customer interactions.

customer: got any sort of energy drink?

me: coffee?

customer: yea...(laughs). (turns to 10 yr old boy) want anything else?  

me: your sandwich comes with chips; plain, salt and vinegar or jalapeno.

customer: yea

me: your sandwich comes with chips, which ones do you want?

customer: what are my choices?

me: plain, salt and vinegar, jalapeno (real slow and over pronounced)

customer: plain salt.

me: there are three choices.  plain (dramatic pause) comma (hand gestures) salt and vinegar (dramatic pause) comma (more hand gestures) or (real loud and over pronounced) jalapeno

customer: plain

customer's friend: i'll have a turkey club.

me: your sandwhich comes with a choice of chips.

customer's friend: what kind?  

  

customer: do you have a garbage back there? (holding up a plastic cup)

me: no. (smiles)

customer: (laughs) yea yea, i guess that was a stupid question which deserves a stupid answer.

me: (smiles and grabs the cup)

my house

that's not really my house....

but here are reasons i love my apartment building.

1. one of six working  pay phones exists across the street from my building. which means half of the east side looking to do drug deals hangs out around my street.  (explains why mine and patrick's bikes were stolen)

2.  there is a man hired by the renting company whose sole job is to vacuum the hallways, mop the basement, and hold the door open for me when i attempt to carry my bike into the building.

3.  this man (i assume) also puts glade plug-ins in the sockets of the hallways so our building doesn't smell like food and people and garbage like most apartment buildings.

4.  people say hi to you and small talk with you.  granted i hate small talk, but it's nice to be acknowledged.

5.  there are no screens on our windows so threatening patrick with the idea of me throwing his "babies" (aka xbox 360 and playstation 3) out the window is that much more believable.

6.  one of the tenants sits on the front steps doing random things. talking on her phone, petting her dog, painting her toenails.  

7.  douchebags spill their iced coffee from starbucks in the elevator, right in front of the door where everyone will step in it and don't bother to clean it up.

8.  the elevator never goes straight to the basement.  it always stops on the first floor for at least thirty seconds.

9.  people leave mats outside their door and shoes and they never get stolen.

summer so far

my summer is turning out to be pretty rad.

my internship is awesome.  well the training is awesome so far.

there are nine of us total.  i adore three.  am cool with two.  ok with three.  no hate, yet.

patrick and i actually get to spend time together. and it's been awesome.

i see more of my friends (except brandy for some weird reason....why is that brandy?)

emily and evan are getting married in a year and i get to be in the wedding!!!!

only crap thing that happened so far is mine and patrick's bikes were stolen a couple weeks ago.  we both have since obtained new bikes, but still it was a big bummer.

this week:

-kick ball

-work work work for three days in a row (its going to be rough)

-three on friday? floaties and bathing suits?

-brunch at comet

-KAYLEIGH!!!!

it's been awhile

i'm so close to being done.

so so so close.

so close that i have laxed in my duties as a student teacher.  i went to class in jeans and a fleece (yes i own fleece, get over it).  i didnt write up a formal lesson plan.  and the entire time i was biking to school i kept thinking today my professor will show up.

and he did.

i about shit a brick.  instantly my back is hot and i panic.  

should i write a lesson plan quick for the last three days?

should i explain why i am dressed down (dirty jeans, fleece, old tennis shoes)?

lie. truth. lie. truth.

truth.  but not freely offered. only given if asked.

as students file into the classroom, i stall them by handing out grade reports and pull certain "trouble" students aside bribing them with candy if they behave today.  

me: please please please watch your language today

student: why? (smirking)

me: my professor is here

student: oh....

me: if you can go the entire hour without swearing then i will give you candy

student: (laughs) ok miss burke

bribing a success.

after class my professor asks me general "how are you doing?" questions and leaves. 

Now it's time for a job.  But I have a huge decision to make first.

do i buy a car?  

if i don't then i need a job close.

if i do then i can get a job anywhere.

if i dont then i will potentially be saving a lot of money and save for when i can really afford a car.

if i do i will have to get a good job and have no money.

do i. or dont i.

coffeeeee

If you don't drink coffee or have never worked in a coffee shop this post will not make sense.

Here are some of my favorite requests/questions from customers:

-Can I have a no foam cappuccino? (the whole point of a cappuccino is to have foam...so no you can't)

-Is there ice cream in the mocha shake? (shake usually implies ice cream)

-Can I have a small EXpresso? (it's ESpresso, and it doesn't come in sm, med, large.)

-Can I have a regular drink? (what's a regular drink?  you know a non-coffee drink...oohhh)

-How are your beans baked? (beans as in coffee beans are roasted, not baked fuck head)

Oh customers, how you amuse me.

i'm sneaky

i have one thing left to do for college.

write a 5-10pg paper on the importance of the nature of science.

i need to read articles from science journals circa 2004.  

went to the library, to find the journals.  one was missing, so i had the bright idea to look at the racks of books that needed to be put back.

i found it, but it was shoved in a middle shelf and the stacks were real close.  i could hear someone sorting more books in a room ten feet away and knew at any moment he/she could come out and find me "stealing" a book from their extremely organized racks.

i crouched down, my heavy messenger bag sliding off my shoulder and jerked me even further forward.  every second i was looking over my shoulder waiting for the book sorter to come out and find me.

i grasped the binding and tried to carefully pull it from the shelf.  it was so tightly packed in that it caused two other books to crash to the ground.  there was no way for me to easily put the fallen books back , so i left them on the ground.

i rule at breaking rules.

i'm angry

i know when i am angry/upset/worried/etc even before my brain knows.

my back feels hot and burned, like a sunburn.

it started once i started meds.  so weird.

it happened a couple times today.  once it was funny. once it was sad.

funny time:

i went to mayfair to buy a swimsuit.  i dont own one and need one to be lifeguard certified.

they have a dumb rule that after 6 you need to be 18 to go to the mall alone.

i am on the phone with brandy when a security guard asks me if i'm 18

me: "yes"

sg: "can i see some id?"

me: "no...im 26, seriously"

sg: "ma'am, can i see some id?"

me: "fine...but you're gonna feel like an asshole when you realize im 26"

shows him my license, walk away.

20 min later walk out of boston store.

stopped by a diff security guard who tells me i am not allowed in the mall.

me: "what?"

sg2: "i was told you aren't allowed in the mall and have to leave because you didn't show your id"

me: "yes i did. you wanna see it too?  here..."

*pulled out all my forms of id as 3rd guard approaches

sg2: "i was told you used foul language and need to leave"

me: "yea, i told the guy he was going to feel like an asshole when i realized i was 26"

sg3 laughs, sg2 frowns

sg3: "you'll need to leave"

me: "for just tonight or forever"

sg3: "just tonight"

me: "whatever, this is dumb! I guess you have to escort me out?"

sg2: "yea, but he cant we have to wait for someone else"

me: "oh my god, im a real threat, gonna cause some real damage"

sg3l aughs, sg2 frowns

as im waiting i call brandy and tell her the story.  i then call my aunt.  in the meantime another sg has joined the operation.  this makes four sg to handle one person.

on the phone with aunt:

me: "i should cause some real damage so i get kicked out for a good reason."

aunt: "you need to call channel 12 news or 6 or something.  want me to yell at him? hold the phone out ill yell dumb fuck at him"

me: "that'd really get me in trouble, more than calling him an asshole"

sg2: "you better tell my supervisor that"

me: "excuse me, i am having a phone conversation please stay out of it.  im going to go over there where you won't listen. don't worry im not going to leave, just stand over there"

sg2 glares

*still talking to aunt when a fifth sg shows up, but he's wearing a white uniform.  uh-oh, guess they called their boss to handle the out of control girl....haha

*end phone convo

sg5: "so tell me what happened, i havent been told anything, i was just told to come down here"

*sg3 approaches

me: "yea right, im sure they told you what happened.  whatever." 

*recount the story, making sure to point out i didnt call him an asshole but suggested he was going to feel like one, and the fact my aunt told me to call him a dumb fuck but that'd get me in real trouble.

sg3 and sg5 laugh.

sg5: "so you showed him your id"

me: "yes"

sg5: "well you can go or stay"

me: "i'd like to stay and do what i came here to do"

sg5: "ok"

*walk away laughing and shaking my head.

saw sg1 later and he glared and i smiled.

i can see the finish line

there must be something wrong with me. i get so tired i cant sleep.

breakdown:

-two 3-7 pg papers to write after reading approx. 200 pgs of text. due next fri.

-student teaching until june 13th

-life guard training for 3 wkdends in a row starting next week

-internship starts same week as my last week of student teaching

-mikeyfuckyou comes to mke june 13th

-patrick and me go on a va-ca june 14th and 15th

THEN i can hang out like norms.  hopefully.  i will be working 50 or so hrs a week, but i'm a superstar and can handle it. right???

perfect timing.

i was walking with my tues/thurs kids at the urban ecology center.

we just finished dissecting the reasons i'm vegan, they were very responsive and i even became a vegan mentor to one girl who has been vegetarian for 6 yrs but has yet to make the leap to veganism.

we approached a group of high school boys shoveling dirt. shirts off. trying to look buff and cool.

one says to another:
"what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari?"
"i dont know"
"i dont have a ferrari in my garage"

perfect timing.

limits

"you should only have to clean up other's people shit twice in one day"

very very true.

so that is why after the woman's toilet at work overflowed for the second time in a half hour I made an "out of order" sign, hung it on the door and left the mess to be cleaned up later.

i thought i could have only one commitment come june 13th, but unfortunately my internship won't pay enough and i'll have to keep working.

nights like last night remind me why i sometimes love my job.  the crew split up into team fart (fernando and rambunctious taylor) and team gooney wieners.  there was a chugging contest, if i won bluegrass music would not be played at closing for the next 5 shifts, if my competitor won bluegrass would be played 2 of the next 5 closing shifts.

"did you know jesus died wearing a loin cloth"

Probably shouldn't share this.

I'm sure this will embarrass him, but whatever.

This is love:

I <3 CJB cause she makes everyday better cause she is the best thing ever for me.

Perfect.

That explains things.

Bits and Pieces.

i told my papa (basically my dad) that i got an internship at the urban ecology center. 

his response: what's the plan for after that?

maybe that is why i never think my accomplishments are good enough.

i told my boss at alterra i got the internship.

his response: great! (hugs me) congratulations!!

i'm not upset that my boss gave me more encouragement and showed more pride than my papa, it just explains a lot.

********

i went to moct last night to see a super rad dj.  well, two super rad dj's.

the event was sponsored by an alcohol company.  so the entire night i had random very attractive and very slutty girls offering me shots.  while ordering a drink for a friend i had one girl offer me a shot.  i was already buying a drink, why try and give me more!!!

having free liquor being shoved in my face all night and watching others take shot after shot and chug beer after beer made me really uneasy.

i couldn't dance without being bumped into or rubbed against or getting my shoes stepped on.

two different people came up to me and asked me if i was drinking and then wanted to discuss what happened to me that i've decided not to drink.  it's fine to talk about, but i was already overwhelmed.

it just wasn't as fun as it usually is.  maybe i'm over the bar scene completely, even when i just go to dance and listen to some rad rad dj's.  watching people get wasted and then knowing most of them will drive home makes me sick.  i don't want to be a part of it anymore.

*******

since my declaration of never drinking and driving again, i think i've affected a few of my friends.  in the past couple days i've been allowed to drive my friends very nice car safely home after going out (even though they only had a couple drinks themselves, they just respect me and my decision).  I also had a friend tell me she is only having a couple drinks, and then stopping at midnight so by 2am when the bar closes she can drive home sober.

it makes me happy to know people take me seriously and respect me.  it also makes me happy to know they have made the choice to be more responsible when it comes to drinking and driving simply because i have made that choice.

goals update

Run

I've kinda given up on this one.  I'm just too busy with the end of the semester quickly approaching.  Maybe once college is done in a month and only have to student teach I'll have time, but then I won't be able to use the gym on campus.  But I have been riding my bike more, so that kinda makes up for it.

Food

Good! Grocery shopping has been successful.  I still eat too much candy, but I'm pretty sure I always will.

Social

Good too!  I actually had the desire to hang out yesterday and leave the house.  I went home for a family get together last sunday.  I've been out and active and having fun.