customer stories

this weekend was busy at alterra.

here are a few choice customer interactions.

customer: got any sort of energy drink?

me: coffee?

customer: yea...(laughs). (turns to 10 yr old boy) want anything else?  

me: your sandwich comes with chips; plain, salt and vinegar or jalapeno.

customer: yea

me: your sandwich comes with chips, which ones do you want?

customer: what are my choices?

me: plain, salt and vinegar, jalapeno (real slow and over pronounced)

customer: plain salt.

me: there are three choices.  plain (dramatic pause) comma (hand gestures) salt and vinegar (dramatic pause) comma (more hand gestures) or (real loud and over pronounced) jalapeno

customer: plain

customer's friend: i'll have a turkey club.

me: your sandwhich comes with a choice of chips.

customer's friend: what kind?  

  

customer: do you have a garbage back there? (holding up a plastic cup)

me: no. (smiles)

customer: (laughs) yea yea, i guess that was a stupid question which deserves a stupid answer.

me: (smiles and grabs the cup)

my house

that's not really my house....

but here are reasons i love my apartment building.

1. one of six working  pay phones exists across the street from my building. which means half of the east side looking to do drug deals hangs out around my street.  (explains why mine and patrick's bikes were stolen)

2.  there is a man hired by the renting company whose sole job is to vacuum the hallways, mop the basement, and hold the door open for me when i attempt to carry my bike into the building.

3.  this man (i assume) also puts glade plug-ins in the sockets of the hallways so our building doesn't smell like food and people and garbage like most apartment buildings.

4.  people say hi to you and small talk with you.  granted i hate small talk, but it's nice to be acknowledged.

5.  there are no screens on our windows so threatening patrick with the idea of me throwing his "babies" (aka xbox 360 and playstation 3) out the window is that much more believable.

6.  one of the tenants sits on the front steps doing random things. talking on her phone, petting her dog, painting her toenails.  

7.  douchebags spill their iced coffee from starbucks in the elevator, right in front of the door where everyone will step in it and don't bother to clean it up.

8.  the elevator never goes straight to the basement.  it always stops on the first floor for at least thirty seconds.

9.  people leave mats outside their door and shoes and they never get stolen.

summer so far

my summer is turning out to be pretty rad.

my internship is awesome.  well the training is awesome so far.

there are nine of us total.  i adore three.  am cool with two.  ok with three.  no hate, yet.

patrick and i actually get to spend time together. and it's been awesome.

i see more of my friends (except brandy for some weird reason....why is that brandy?)

emily and evan are getting married in a year and i get to be in the wedding!!!!

only crap thing that happened so far is mine and patrick's bikes were stolen a couple weeks ago.  we both have since obtained new bikes, but still it was a big bummer.

this week:

-kick ball

-work work work for three days in a row (its going to be rough)

-three on friday? floaties and bathing suits?

-brunch at comet

-KAYLEIGH!!!!

it's been awhile

i'm so close to being done.

so so so close.

so close that i have laxed in my duties as a student teacher.  i went to class in jeans and a fleece (yes i own fleece, get over it).  i didnt write up a formal lesson plan.  and the entire time i was biking to school i kept thinking today my professor will show up.

and he did.

i about shit a brick.  instantly my back is hot and i panic.  

should i write a lesson plan quick for the last three days?

should i explain why i am dressed down (dirty jeans, fleece, old tennis shoes)?

lie. truth. lie. truth.

truth.  but not freely offered. only given if asked.

as students file into the classroom, i stall them by handing out grade reports and pull certain "trouble" students aside bribing them with candy if they behave today.  

me: please please please watch your language today

student: why? (smirking)

me: my professor is here

student: oh....

me: if you can go the entire hour without swearing then i will give you candy

student: (laughs) ok miss burke

bribing a success.

after class my professor asks me general "how are you doing?" questions and leaves. 

Now it's time for a job.  But I have a huge decision to make first.

do i buy a car?  

if i don't then i need a job close.

if i do then i can get a job anywhere.

if i dont then i will potentially be saving a lot of money and save for when i can really afford a car.

if i do i will have to get a good job and have no money.

do i. or dont i.

coffeeeee

If you don't drink coffee or have never worked in a coffee shop this post will not make sense.

Here are some of my favorite requests/questions from customers:

-Can I have a no foam cappuccino? (the whole point of a cappuccino is to have foam...so no you can't)

-Is there ice cream in the mocha shake? (shake usually implies ice cream)

-Can I have a small EXpresso? (it's ESpresso, and it doesn't come in sm, med, large.)

-Can I have a regular drink? (what's a regular drink?  you know a non-coffee drink...oohhh)

-How are your beans baked? (beans as in coffee beans are roasted, not baked fuck head)

Oh customers, how you amuse me.

i'm sneaky

i have one thing left to do for college.

write a 5-10pg paper on the importance of the nature of science.

i need to read articles from science journals circa 2004.  

went to the library, to find the journals.  one was missing, so i had the bright idea to look at the racks of books that needed to be put back.

i found it, but it was shoved in a middle shelf and the stacks were real close.  i could hear someone sorting more books in a room ten feet away and knew at any moment he/she could come out and find me "stealing" a book from their extremely organized racks.

i crouched down, my heavy messenger bag sliding off my shoulder and jerked me even further forward.  every second i was looking over my shoulder waiting for the book sorter to come out and find me.

i grasped the binding and tried to carefully pull it from the shelf.  it was so tightly packed in that it caused two other books to crash to the ground.  there was no way for me to easily put the fallen books back , so i left them on the ground.

i rule at breaking rules.

i'm angry

i know when i am angry/upset/worried/etc even before my brain knows.

my back feels hot and burned, like a sunburn.

it started once i started meds.  so weird.

it happened a couple times today.  once it was funny. once it was sad.

funny time:

i went to mayfair to buy a swimsuit.  i dont own one and need one to be lifeguard certified.

they have a dumb rule that after 6 you need to be 18 to go to the mall alone.

i am on the phone with brandy when a security guard asks me if i'm 18

me: "yes"

sg: "can i see some id?"

me: "no...im 26, seriously"

sg: "ma'am, can i see some id?"

me: "fine...but you're gonna feel like an asshole when you realize im 26"

shows him my license, walk away.

20 min later walk out of boston store.

stopped by a diff security guard who tells me i am not allowed in the mall.

me: "what?"

sg2: "i was told you aren't allowed in the mall and have to leave because you didn't show your id"

me: "yes i did. you wanna see it too?  here..."

*pulled out all my forms of id as 3rd guard approaches

sg2: "i was told you used foul language and need to leave"

me: "yea, i told the guy he was going to feel like an asshole when i realized i was 26"

sg3 laughs, sg2 frowns

sg3: "you'll need to leave"

me: "for just tonight or forever"

sg3: "just tonight"

me: "whatever, this is dumb! I guess you have to escort me out?"

sg2: "yea, but he cant we have to wait for someone else"

me: "oh my god, im a real threat, gonna cause some real damage"

sg3l aughs, sg2 frowns

as im waiting i call brandy and tell her the story.  i then call my aunt.  in the meantime another sg has joined the operation.  this makes four sg to handle one person.

on the phone with aunt:

me: "i should cause some real damage so i get kicked out for a good reason."

aunt: "you need to call channel 12 news or 6 or something.  want me to yell at him? hold the phone out ill yell dumb fuck at him"

me: "that'd really get me in trouble, more than calling him an asshole"

sg2: "you better tell my supervisor that"

me: "excuse me, i am having a phone conversation please stay out of it.  im going to go over there where you won't listen. don't worry im not going to leave, just stand over there"

sg2 glares

*still talking to aunt when a fifth sg shows up, but he's wearing a white uniform.  uh-oh, guess they called their boss to handle the out of control girl....haha

*end phone convo

sg5: "so tell me what happened, i havent been told anything, i was just told to come down here"

*sg3 approaches

me: "yea right, im sure they told you what happened.  whatever." 

*recount the story, making sure to point out i didnt call him an asshole but suggested he was going to feel like one, and the fact my aunt told me to call him a dumb fuck but that'd get me in real trouble.

sg3 and sg5 laugh.

sg5: "so you showed him your id"

me: "yes"

sg5: "well you can go or stay"

me: "i'd like to stay and do what i came here to do"

sg5: "ok"

*walk away laughing and shaking my head.

saw sg1 later and he glared and i smiled.