I wish that sledding were enough

I just finished reading this book.  I think it is my third time reading it.  I have given both copies away and this time Brandy said we could share her copy.  

I get in moods where I have to read a book.  It happens with this book, The Bell Jar, 1984, and Catcher in the Rye.  It becomes an obsession and I have such a strong desire to read a book that if I don't appease it, I become frustrated and irritable.

Do you always think this much (....)?

Yea.  Is that bad?

Not necessarily.  It's just that sometimes people use thought to not participate in life.

rain check

I'm pretty sure odd/difficult/annoying/crack head customers are attracted to me.

It throughly amuses me, the interactions I have, so I will share them.

The bakery messed up the raspberry scone batter so we didn't get any.

A woman approaches and orders one without realizing we don't have any (because the bakery messed up the batter for that day).

me:Sorry we don't have any raspberry scones.  There was a mishap in the bakery

customer:Oh no!

me:Oh...not like that. thinking:Maybe "mishap" was a bad word to use. They just messed up the batter or something.(holding up piece of paper from the bakery for the customer to see that informs us they regret any inconvenience this may cause....I'm sure they didn't have this in mind)

customer:Well do I get a rain check?

me: (knowing what she means but hoping that's not what she really means because it is a rather ridiculous request)What do you mean?

customer:Well what do you usually do when you run out of something you normally have?

me:Apologize??

A rain check?!  If you go to the grocery store and they are out of your favorite kind of bread, do they give you a rain check there? NO! If you go to a clothing store and they don't have your size pants, do they give you a rain check there? NO!  So please explain to me lady why the fuck would we give you one here?  Out of the kindness of our hearts?  Sorry you're looking at the wrong person.

H.S.

Lately when I'm watching tv or a movie and there is a scene in a high school I become uneasy.  I picture myself in that scene and imagine all that could go wrong.

I haven't even started student teaching and I already am extremely fearful.

Sometimes I don't feel ready for life.

random thoughts

-my eye hurts. i should call my doc and see why my contacts i ordered over 3wks ago aren't here yet.

-im not meant to dress nicely.  today i stepped in snow, then attempted to shake the snow off my foot, forgetting my shoes easily come off.  shoe went flying into middle of intersection, i then had to walk five feet with no shoe on. with no chance to go home before work i bought a 10dollar pair of socks in despiration.

-i got "hit on" when walking into the h.s. im student teaching at.  this is going to be a very very long 5months.

-listening to girl talk always makes things better (even having a wet/cold foot)

-my phone never has reception. never ever.  i hate tmobile and want a new cell provider.

-i love my macbook and ipod and sister and friends and boyfriend.

-boring night at work for sure.  but tomorrow no work or student teaching crap. just a dumb college class.

xoxox.

carajean.

Reason #46 I sometimes question my mental stability

Laying in bed last night I turn to Patrick and ask him:

me: Wanna hear me make the sound of a raccoon?

This question came out of nowhere.  Well not to me.  There was a whole series of thoughts previous to this question, I just didn't share them with Patrick. 

P: Sure  

me:(make random screechy noises with my mouth and nibble motions inches from his faice)

P: (stares at me for a few seconds then turns to continue watching Anchorman)

me:(laughs)Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me

P:Sometimes? I'm pretty sure it's all the time.  I have a feeling you're gonna do that kind of stuff when you're 50

me: Probs

Future Plans

Pregnancy

I don't understand the desire to become pregnant.  Woman who find their only purpose in life is to further populate the already overly populated planet confuse and slightly anger me.  We all know we've reached our carrying capacity some of us just choose to ignore this by popping them out over and over again.

I know, I wouldn't be here if my mom had the same mentality I did (which I am told she was the one who swore she'd never have children, and ended having two).

But I'm just saying, having babies isn't my top priority, nor do I feel it is my responsibility as a woman to do so.  

A regular customer came into work a few days ago and I noticed for the first time she was pregnant, very very pregnant.  

me: I didn't know you were pregnant.

pregnant customer: Me neither until the sixth month.

me:Wow! Well congratulations.

pregnant customer:Heh....thanks....

The biggest reason I am afraid of having children is I won't know what to do.  I am so critical of myself and always want things to work out a certain way and be perfect, that I could never handle all the responsibility of raising a child, of molding and shaping a person's life.  I can attribute much of who I am today to my mom.  I'm not sure I want someone to say that about me.